Quarter Life Crisis


Confused-guy

 

I celebrated my 25th birthday recently. Apart from the trauma of having to throw parties and sponsoring overpriced beer to friends that they wouldn’t otherwise have with their own money, for an event which increasingly seems insignificant each passing year, I had to bear the ordeal of inadvertently reflecting back upon all the years leading up to this day .And strictly in terms of purpose and sense of achievement so far it has been like watching a J P Dutta movie – you are halfway through it and its still painfully uninteresting.

 

When you are in your teens around 12 , 13 years old, you can be anything.- Actor, Rock God , Tap dancer, rodeo clown, Kurt Fucking Cobain. But then the 12 year old grows up and years of non-accomplishment and you’d be like, What Fight club quote defines you the best. The cute girl you liked back in the day is now in all probability married and has gained a few kilos and is cute no more. Everyone you know is in the exact same place you are. Or better. You don’t feel special anymore. Life has become predictable. And boring.

On many an occasion, I was asked  “where do you see yourself ten years down the line” and I could write an essay on it .But today, I wouldn’t know. I kind of see myself in a 1 bhk paying off installments for the rest of my life for the 1 bhk. All that is left to do is Suck up to the guy above you to get that H1-B stamped so that you can be dispatched to the  US to suck up to a white guy above you.

I see Nick D Aloisio become a self-made millionaire at the age of 15,I see Lorde winning Grammys at the age of 17,Milos Raonic defeating Federer at 23 while I still need a PAN Card to prove my existence.

 

I have been left in a spot like many others my age.And this what I have seen people doing to get out of the spot.This is why  i think all those ideas are stupid.

 

Backpacking thru Ladakh – You are inspired by movies like Into the wild and Zindagi milegi naa dobara and you decide to take that  road trip to find yourself.So, you take a corporate marketed trip to Ladakh. A bunch of duffers taking selfies against the dusty roads against bald mountains should  be  good enough reason for China to not show interest in this region ever again.I mean I am all for adventure tourism, but if I decide to spend 20k on a trip, the least I expect is a place to take a dump in private and a journey that doesn’t end with me suffering from spondylitis .And biking through dusty roads in temp below 10 degrees among celibate monks in controversial border issues doesn’t make sense.

 

Back to school- what I have observed is how Salman Khan seems to run down yet another homeless man every time an Indian is dispatched to pursue his Masters in the States. Because as if getting a degree from a mediocre institute and getting menial job wasn’t enough, getting a Masters from a random mediocre institute in USA to end up in another menial job will do the trick. But Hell, Dowry quadruples.

So why Masters?? Because no matter how pathetic your GRE score is, there will be at least 2 American universities welcoming you with open arms. In short your biological Father wouldn’t have made you feel that special.

Because studying with dumb white kids sounds more elitist than studying among dumb brown kids.

Because when you come back home on vacation you end all your sentences with “While I was in America” and annoy people.

 

When you end up in the college you realize that it’s not exactly how you imagined it would be.The jobs have dried up there and the same job you applied post Masters is being outsourced to some south Asian country. Americans don’t love you as you steal their jobs and the chances of you being molested at the Airport, racially abused, mugged or beaten up have increased 10 times from  the moment you started reading this piece.You have an education loan and unless your Dad is filthy rich, will take 3 generations to pay off.You better hope that dowry comes in handy.

Photography – DSLRs sold more than condoms past few years.That’s because for an average Indian  guy sex is like passing of the Haley’s comet , happens once in a long time and is over quickly and also because every other dude here sees a Farhan Querishi in himself.So photography seems like a viable option to compensate for  a dismal sex life, manhood and life in general.

So , you roam around taking pictures of trees, squirrels, poor people to discover the artist in you.Before you realize you end up taking pictures of relatives at marriages ,girl who friendzoned you for her new profile pic and getting “zarra ek aur photo,side waale angle se”” requests.

 

MBA – Plan seems cut out for like 80% of the people –  study engineering- regret your decision – Believe getting a job will turn things around – Get a job in IT(as they are the only people who have jobs to offer even in this economy- take that job in IT – regret your decision – Time to prove yourself – Start prepping up for CAT – Have to choose between TIME  and BYJU’s – Chose Time – Regret your decision  – Get a so so  CAT scores – End up in a so so MBA college because hell!!, better than IT – Regret your decision.


Fall in love– When you were in school you found girls gross and irritating.When you moved to high school, hormones kicked in and suddenly girls were gross no more .But then you had to fulfill your parents ambition of making their neighbors and friends feel small and petty by topping the board exams.So, you studied. During your undergrad years, you were scrawny, broke and in all probability picked dirt from your nose. Girls don’t go out with guys who are broke. But now you have a job and nothing better to do. Hence, you decide to pursue something you wanted to do for all these years.

So, you hit on anything that moves. And has boobs.

The problem – You are 25.Any girl your age is either married or committed or expecting.And the girls that are still single are single for a reason. And there’s also a reason why you are still single. So, drop the idea dude.

 

PS 3 and porn – PS and porn are probably the only two passions that don’t run out with age.While the former costs practically six months of your salary the later is virtually free.Both are equally satisfying in their own ways.

It’s tough turning 25.We have no motivation, no role roles.We feel lost .But then , its ok to feel lost, its ok to lose way.Whats not ok is to lose hope.Because, as per a Roman saying”This too shall pass”

“Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted” – Lohn Lennon

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “Quarter Life Crisis

  1. What a whacky article. Loved it. Nicolas Cage or Will Smith should recite it … it will be a memorable piece in hollywood. Fantastic. Loved it. I dont know the meaning of whacky!

  2. Sir, I have become your follower. You humorously inspire us and remind us of our traits of leading an honest and fearless life. Thank you for the inspiration Sir!!!!!

  3. You still exist… and write…. and are still as hilarious as you were years ago!! Now that’s an achievement isint it 😉 Not loosing yourself as you hop from one ‘crisis’ to another can be very reassuring lol. Loved the post!

    • Hi,
      Glad to see your comment again, after so many years.( i regret the previous statement, sounds like i have retired 🙂 )But thanks for the kind words.(Fyi, you exaggerate a lot 🙂

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