Ladies and Gentlemen,Friends and boyfriends of my crushes and girls who I never had a shot at,watch the video to fully comprehend what follows.
Dear Alexandra Wallace,
Even though this reply is too late and you might have moved on, become a better person or got run down by a truck for that matters, I think it is imperative for me to post one as a reaction to yours .And also because I had always wanted to write an open letter because you are never really a blogger if you haven’t written an open letter.
So, here it is.
This video of yours has deeply hurt the feelings of every brown man out there. I don’t know what is it with you white folks that you think only people with small eyes, short height and small dicks are Asians. We are brown, have bigger eyes, average sized dicks and approximately 40% of us manage to get past 5 feet 5 inches and we are still Asians.
I know you put in a lot of effort while making this video and had to mug up a few fancy words to impressBut seriously, who the fuck has an epiphany while going through Political Science books. It’s like masturbating to Gay Porn.(a strictly heterosexual joke.FYI – firm believer in Fag rights)
And how the fuck did you get into UCLA. You, for one, have seriously shaken my faith in ivy league colleges. I had great expectations from myself to end up in some fancy college not because I saw in me some top shot engineer or manager but because my parents slapped and kicked me through my school and later college years in vain so that I would end up as a carbon copy of one of my cousins who went to one of those top rung colleges. He belonged to that category of kids who spent greater part of their childhood in the company of R .S Agarwal and R.D Sharma. If you didn’t hear of these two gentlemen until you were 18, then you had a happy childhood. If you did , you are either in an IIT or are dead post successful suicide because of not getting into one.
The Asians might have names that might sound like two neighborhood aunties throwing utensils at each other, but their names have deeper meanings and have some level of relative uniqueness.However,for a country that uses English as it’s first language, you guys have a proper noun vocabulary of,like what,100. It’s like every third guy is Tom.
And the fact that you see these hoards of Asian people around your apartment living with their Moms and Dads and Grandpas and Grandmas and cousins they bring over is because they, or shall I say we, still love our parents more than our pet dog, and while we might have imbibed the American way of life, capitalism, rap music and skinny jeans, we are yet to come to terms with sending our elderly to foster homes.So , everytime we get to go to the States or any other country for that matters, we are inclined to bring with us our Moms and Dads and Grandpas and Grandmas and cousins we didn’t know existed , showering us with all their love the moment they realise we have a green card.
I have composed this piece from a very unbiased point of view and in spite of the fact that I have had bad experience with the Chinese. I am a victim of Chinese handsets(WhiteCherry-they said it was like Blackberry but cheaper. It actually was,but only for four months) and Chinese Trimmers.Also, fellow co-workers of Chinese origin in my team have made it a point to make my life hell.But I feel, being an asshole is something you can’t pin down on any caste, color, race or religion.
What’s offensive is not that your v-log is racist as we are all racists to varying degrees and people have used racism, discrimination, segregation and profiling and made a career out of it- went on to become Presidents, religious Leaders ,Pope or Russel Peters. What’s offensive about your rant is it’s boring and flat.It isn’t funny, it has no juice and quite frankly it sucks Superman’s balls(because they are balls of steel;because he is Man of Steel;Got the joke, No?)
Besides, you are blonde. And you made this video.You are not helping the stereotype.
In all honesty,with a web cam and an internet connection you can make far more interesting things.