Getting into IT job Is as big an achievement as coming third in a competition involving three participants. participants. Working in IT Sector is as gratifying an experience as watching Basic Instinct minus the sex scenes. So, we all know that the whole IT success story they are talking about, with IT guys being the chain pullers of ‘shining India’ cart burgeoning towards creating a global mark is nothing but a big pile of horse shit and can be called “bull shit” in the words of the Americans, ‘bonkers’ in the words of the British or ‘chutiyaap’ in the words of the residents of Chowdi bazaar, Delhi.
Still, there is no dearth in pricks around who take pride in being “IT boys” and have also developed an attitude on it. And this is surprising because currently we are in this job not because of our knowledge acumen and technical know how we acquired while dragging our asses through this shitty education system but because some white people somewhere in Europe,America heading some big heavy weight companies thought it wasn’t worth spending money on lame jobs and decided to outsource it to some underdeveloped,overpopulated country whose people six times darker are 60,000 times desperate to do the job in 1/6th the salary. Still, there are people who believe that IT job is one hell of a job. And yes, these are the same freak-shows who think ROADIES is the best series ever,Salman Khan is an Oscar deserving actor and Chetan Bhagat is India’s hope for Nobel prize in Literature.
If working for an IT company wasn’t traumatizing enough, there are hacks in the office you meet (and believe me, there are many) who make you feel that suicide after all isn’t that bad an idea. In this job one feels more out of place than Robert Pattinson looks while playing Edward Cullen in that gay movie I don’t bother to recall.
So,while sitting in my office having nothing important to do, I observed people working there, their behavior, patterns asking to be stereotyped, their desperation to act serious while all they actually do is “copy – paste” codes from Google. These are a few stereotypes I noticed in the office.
-The Male Stereotypes-
THE GEEK : The geek here is not exactly the odd genius rather a guy who crammed up “Core Java by Greg Cornell’ believing this could lead to success in life but ended up with not so encouraging results.The geek thinks mugging up Pearsons’ books and doing 1800 odd certifications can lead to higher package,promotion and a realistic chance of getting laid.He doesn’t have a social life to begin with and his only interaction with females is on AdultFriendFinder.com at a premium membership of Rs 1400/- only.
THE DUDE : Has a lot of money probably because his grandfather had property somewhere near Noida which Mayawati decided to buy in order to build F1 Circuit or her own statues.He roams around in pajero and tries to act sophisticated but his accent is a dead giveaway.He has spent 8 hours per day in GYM for the past 5 years while normal people around were busy doing something sensible and worthwhile.Girls like him.Guys hate him because girls like him and because he is a dick. And girls like him because he is a dick(see Mr. Joseph Heller ,I can produce better Catch-22s than you)And this guy is probably screwing that pretty girl in the office you had a crush on. He doesn’t know why he is in this job.It’s obviously not the money.It’s mostly because he doesn’t have any land left to sell and sitting at his Dad’s shop can get boring with the chances of checking out hot chicks in tight Business attire being minimal.
THE WANNABE DUDE : hates ‘the dude’ but imitates him to become to become popular among the women folks.But is either too tall,too short,too fat,too thin,too bald or too dark to get noticed by girls.Generally shops from paalika bazaar and takes pride in the fake Tommy Hilfiger shirts that do not fit. Is very happy with his job as he wasn’t expecting anything better from his life.hails from a lower middle class family and most probably has a student loan,an elder sister waiting to get married and an ageing father approaching retirement.
THE FRUSTRATED : is painfully aware of the shittyness of this job.doesn’t have many friends as he spends most of the day and most of his life cursing people and cursing himself. Is probably some guy who secured 98% in 10th and thought he would end up in Google,instead ended up here.Blames everybody from his girlfriend,his parents to Bansal Coaching Classes for ruining his life and has 33% higher chances of committing suicide or dying of a heart condition.
-THE FEMALE STEREOTYPES-
THE SMALL TOWN GIRL : hails from small city like Ranchi, Meerut, Indore, Chandigarh or Patna.If rated on the basis of looks , she might be average to pretty.Is in this job because the HR thought her presence in the job would be a good motivation for the male co-workers.Like any other normal girl ,she is inherently technically challenged and takes help from that guy in the office who she is currently dating only because she needs somebody to write codes for her and take care of other petty issues.
She believes being in a big city away from home and parental guidance has given some sort of a license that she is obliged to utilize fully.So, she gets rid of her salwar kumeez,hangs out with boys,takes tequila shots in pubs and thinks that doing these things would make her look classy,open minded and elitist .But watches Saas Bahu in her free time ,so all the elitism goes down the drain.
THE PSEUDO SOPHISTICATED : hails from an educated upper middle class family.Has developed an accent because her parents could afford to send her to schools like Don Bosco or Doon Valley.Often advocates feminism and talks about importance of English education,proper accent,rising woman power,objectification of women in this male chauvinistic society and bores people to death.Tells everyone about her plans of doing MBA at IIM because her current job is so beneath her and IIM is where she deserves to be.Is highly irritating and should be avoided because constant interaction with her can cause hypertension.
THE HOTTIE : hails from an upper middle class to upper class family. Dad’s probably a builder.Is not naturally beautiful but regular visits to Beauty Parlor have helped her achieve desired results. Is a potential customer for Botox and Implants once she reaches 40.Has a dozen boyfriends and has made a dozen others believe that they are her boyfriends.Life is easy for her as compared to other girls because she doesn’t have to wait for the annual winter mega discount sale to do her shopping.She wears tight fitting formals in office with a neatly tied pony ,6 inches high stilettos and fake brown hair which makes you believe she is in there to promote Garnier color free naturals.In casuals she wears skirts so short that it looks as if she borrowed it from her 5 year old niece.She in all probability is going to end up as Project manager because people are desperate and think helping her in her work or promoting her might increase their chances with her.Either that, or she is getting married to some NRI working as an investment banker in Europe or probably running a visa scam in Middle –East.
THE BEHENJI : deserves to be the PM because the only thing she has done in her life is work(though will have to work twice as hard as the hottie to reach the same position).She buys dresses in whole sale and her fashion sense is so bad that the students of National Institute of Fashion Technology are asked to stay away from her during their exams.Has lost all hopes of finding a boyfriend and is currently dependent on her parents to find her a male partner in the form of arrange marriage.
So,life in IT sector is shitty and you meet weirdos everyday.And as my friend once said,its as humiliating as peeing in public.
DISCLAIMER: The author holds no responsibility if you feel bad after reading this article.Donot try to relate to any of the above mentioned stereotypes as it will only lead to you cursing me and me cursing you back.