Every small town boy gets an instant boner at the prospect of living in a Tier 1 city, his ego boosted by the Viagra of a false notion that your self-worth varies proportionately with the height of the buildings of the city you live in .Even though they would hate to admit it, most of the small town pricks are exhilarated on seeing a big city. So was I. But then a good feeling is like a wet dream, it is hardly real and does not last long. My first hand experience in Bangalore can be summarized in the following words- First elation then frustration. Allow me to explain.
I know we are all very proud of our diversity, the fact that we have 22 official languages, 3000 dialects and all but every time you cross state borders this national feature of ours becomes a major practical fuck up. In these times of frustration you feel like frenching the British for their leftover—English. Now, Indians cannot talk in English .Listening to an Indian talk in English can lead to reactions varying from tremendous laughter to terrible heart attack. But thankfully Indians can universally understand English.
After reaching Bangalore I took an auto to my desired location which cost me 300 bucks and I was like “what the fuck”. Back in Bhubaneswar with 300 bucks you can roam the entire city twice. The reason I came to Bangalore is because got a job in an IT company and have no shame in admitting that an IT job is the most shameful job ever .My office environment feels like post war Iraq—utter chaos and nobody has any clue as to what the job is all about. And absolute lack of beautiful women in the office brings down the moral of the entire workforce.
If you have an IT job then it’s a no brainer that you will be living in a PG or a private hostel. Living in a private hostel is like living in a German concentration camp –- too many people too little space, small beds ,disgusting food and the compulsion to regularly sniff fart smells from random people with no one taking responsibility for this heinous crime.
In Bangalore, there are majorly two kinds of people, the ones working for some IT company for a pittance and the others looking for a job in some IT company reducing their Dad’s Post Retirement Fund to a pittance.
They say Bangalore is the pub city and the city of concerts. The truth is, the people who play in Bangalore, if they were in Govt jobs, would have retired some 15 years ago. Members of Metallica, Megadeth and Iron Maiden are probably playing with their grand kids right now.
Also, the names of places in Bangalore will make you bang your head on the nearby wall. It’s like the Bangaloreans made some tacit pact with the Chinese as to who could give a more complicated name to their places. Bannerghatta, Banashanari, Bomanathalli,lead to those awkward moments when you board a bus to go to a place and forget the name of the place in the first place because the name of that place is more complicated than Benzene’s chemical name.
Thanks to total abstinence towards college education you feel like a Hindi medium student sitting in a Chinese medium school during the technical sessions. They keep telling you how they have taken steps to make work interesting and fun, but the truth is unless you are in porn business ,work is hardly fun.
Add to that these people teach you some confidence boosting and stress releasing methods like imitating a goldfish ,virtual striptease solo karate punches ,etc. My past experiences and reasonable sanity tell me that if a guy does these exercises in a public place he will never get laid and die a virgin or turn towards homosexuality. Besides, I personally believe that this IT sector is responsible for increase in homosexuality because IT people are grossly underpaid and overworked and hardly get girls.
Point being, the job is tiring ,the place is exhausting and I am fading away into oblivion.
P.S:- After reading this,Bangaloreans are requested not to kill me.Its not that the city is bad,its just that my life is fucked up irrespective of the geography.So, I dont like the never ending flyovers here ,the AC Volvo buses which practically take half your salary,the malls(because sane people donot like malls.Because, no matter how classy or flashy the mall is,at the end of the day is a fucking mall- a congregation of shops.but there are loonies out there who will drag their sorry ass to the malls the moment they hit Bangalore ,take stupid pics of themselves ,upload it on Facebook and keep disgusting me.)My trainers if they are reading this, are requested not to take me seriously .They never take me seriously at work anyways.Thus, my story is a tragic comedy.Hope, yours is better than mine.
“I TELL YOU TO ENJOY LIFE , I WISH I COULD BUT ITS TOO LATE”- BLACK SABBATH